Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
