so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
