How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
