no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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