I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
