dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
