all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
