It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Randomize