I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
