I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
