Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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