8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Screwed.edu
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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