he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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