She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize