Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
