I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
