Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
