i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize