I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
is wine microwaveable?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
