when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
