ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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