hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i think my mom watched the whole time
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Randomize
