Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
