never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
