Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
