I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
