i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
