SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize