btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Dignity is for republicans.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
