yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
