Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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