Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
