butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
