The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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