Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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