thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
