She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize