Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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