You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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