Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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