I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize