i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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