Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
