I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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