someone owes me an orgasm
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
