I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You dont lie about slip and slides
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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