Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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