if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
