Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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