I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
