i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
