omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
