It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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