So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
