I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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