when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
