He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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