6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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