his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Let's get the cat blown out
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize