addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
