it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Randomize