I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
