i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
