you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
