we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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