This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
