he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
