u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
