No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize