what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
How's work?
Spinning.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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