he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
