I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
