just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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