I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
it's like iHOP with fire
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
