dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Who wears a wallet chain?!
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
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