I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
