chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
