The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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