OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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