so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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