just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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