I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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