On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
