Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
