remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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