A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
people are starting to question the shark bite story
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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