I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
