yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
