what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
