sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
