he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
