8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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