I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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