I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
