Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
