All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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