Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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