My hand turned me down
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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