i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
