His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
