If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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