i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Randomize
