People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
