My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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